


Peccuvo-cundo

by Clue (I_have_no_clue_what_I_am_doing)



Series: tolky [1]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Gen, Out of Character, Weirdness, sorry about that, why did I post this, wrote this instead of serious oc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 22:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20090047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_no_clue_what_I_am_doing/pseuds/Clue
Summary: I sometimes wish Maedhros had a squirrel brain that took over. That danged oath, you see, it's frustrating.





	Peccuvo-cundo

All the elves thought their lord a little odd. He took to climbing trees at odd hours and screeching at people who he thought were doing wrong by others. "NO LITTERING" was one of his favourites. He wasn't a bad master, they thought, and all the forest pathways were spotless, so they didn't mind his more eccentric habits.  
Their lord was especially fond of the two young Dior twins and took umbrage whenever they appeared insufficiently washed, fed, or clothed when he inspected them during his morning meals. "NO SNO," he would holler repeatedly, mouth full of hazelnuts. "NO SNO NO CO." This was odd to them, as they heard that their lord's family was locked in a bitter conflict with that of Dior's, but they did not think to question it.  
One day, the twins disappeared. There were rumours of a disagreement between their lord and the children, and the entire keep was thrown into chaos. No work was being done. Maedhros would spend hours pacing his study and the lengths of his halls, jumping suddenly into rooms and jabbing at suspicious-looking curtains in case the twins were hiding there. His servants followed him dutifully,  
At last, Maedhros had had enough. "MUST'VE RAN," he bellowed. "MUST'VE RAN AWAY!" He looked furious, though they weren't certain at who. "WILL FREEZE!"  
Ah, they thought. He's angry with the forest. Again.  
With that, he strode purposefully outside to the forest, throwing his cloak over one shoulder. Once he reached it, Maedhros clambered toward the top of the tallest tree, where the branches thinned to nothing.  
His elf-servants called after him in vain. "My lord!" said one, who had more bravery than sense, "Come back down! Elf though you are, those branches will not hold your weight!"  
"NONSENSE!" they heard him shout. "I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER. I CANNOT FALL!"  
The elf-servants wrung their exquisitely manicured hands (for even the servants had plenty of time for self-care). "Whatever shall we say to Lord Maglor?"  
"TREE IS GOOD," their lord declared, "CAN SEE TWINS FROM HERE!"  
He hastened down the tree with, er, haste. "MY CLOAK," he commanded. They obeyed at once, half of them breaking off to inform Lord Maglor about the happenings. He sped off via tree-branch, bristling with purpose, before the servants returned.  
"PROBABLY WAS A LITTLE HARSH WITH MY MEN. THAT I REGRET. BUT SERVES THEM RIGHT FOR NOT LEAVING A LOOKOUT," Maedhros growled to himself as he leapt nimbly down a pine.  
[elves freak out, realize Mae already took a cloak and skedaddled. Maglor has been informed and he is like meh]  
The servants returned to an empty clearing. They searched in vain for their lord, but found nothing but branches strippped of bark. Clearly he had only sent them off so they would leave him alone. "Dear me," sighed the elf-servants. "We really should have taken that job down south."  
Their lord returned in high spirits, an elf twin tucked under both his arms like the trunks of young trees. "BRING ME DRINKS!" he called. "YOUNG SQUIRRELS ARE COLD."  
Maglor hurried out. "Brother! Where have you--what is this?"  
Maedhros beamed. "TOLD YOU TREE WAS GOOD!" The twins stirred feebly then, and the squirrel lord darted inside, cape flapping.  
"TO THE FIRE!" he said in response to their continued inquiries. "TIME FOR HEAT!"  
The elf-servants found their lord strapping the twins to long spears. "MY LORD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"  
"DO NOT FEAR! NOT GOING TO ROAST. ONLY TOAST."  
In the end, they convinced that merely setting the twins next to the fire would be sufficient to warm them, and soon the twins were comfortably seated in front of the hearth, wrapped in thick furs, though they could hear their lord muttering "TOAST IS BETTER" to himself as they removed his dripping cloak. One of the twins had recovered sufficiently to take a steaming mug of some odd substance that Maedhros insisted was good for them. The other twin's teeth were still chattering too much to drink, but he smiled at the servant who offered him a sip just the same.  
"Thank you," whispered one twin.  
"WHAT?"  
"Thank you."  
They saw their lord's face split in an enormous grin. "LITTLE SQUIRRELS ARE MOST WELCOME." His face grew serious. "NO MORE RUNNING IN SNOW. IT IS DANGEROUS. I DO NOT WANT US TO BE PARTED. CAPICHE?"  
"Cap--cappeesh," the twin replied in some confusion. The servants did not question it. They sighed. There was a long day of cleaning muddy snow and fragments of bark off the stone floors ahead of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not take this seriously. It was meant in good fun. It has no literary value whatsoever but I hope it was entertaining.


End file.
